Allegory Shmallegory - Have Hot Sex with Your Spouse

I was loving my wife the other night. I mean, I was loving her. I was literally obeying God's Word in Proverbs 5:19 when God urges "may her breasts satisfy you always. May you ever be captivated by her love." As I was in the throes of my obedience, that verse literally coursed through my mind. My mind immediately retorted: "You'll never hear a sermon on THAT verse in church!"

It reminded me of all the references to Song of Solomon I've heard in Bible School and church [counting fingers on one hand]. The pastor or professor always goes on and on and on about how the book is an allegory of the relationship between Christ and His church and how someday the Bride of Christ will be united with Jesus and we will be one in heaven, yada, yada, yahda, blah, blah, blah. About this time I want to stand up on my padded pew (or chair if you're in a seeker friendly church) and scream "BULLSHIT! It's about a married couple having SEX - loving, hot, lusty, passionate, holy, godly SEX!"

SEX! SEX! SEX!

[the sound of millions of Christians clicking out of this post in a panic of shame and terror]

Hello? What's wrong with promoting great sex as God designed it and desires it?!

A few choice morsels from God's Word:

• A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Proverbs 5:19
• Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. Song of Solomon 4:5
• You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Song of Solomon 4:12
• Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. Song of Solomon 4:16
• I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment. Song of Solomon 8:10
• [ Lover ] I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. [ Friends ] Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. Song of Solomon 5:1
• [ Beloved ] My lover has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. Song of Solomon 6:2
• The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. I Corinthians 7:3

Hmmmmmm...maybe I should go home for lunch today.

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Image: Gustav Kimpt's The Kiss