Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Allegory Shmallegory - Have Hot Sex with Your Spouse

I was loving my wife the other night. I mean, I was loving her. I was literally obeying God's Word in Proverbs 5:19 when God urges "may her breasts satisfy you always. May you ever be captivated by her love." As I was in the throes of my obedience, that verse literally coursed through my mind. My mind immediately retorted: "You'll never hear a sermon on THAT verse in church!"

It reminded me of all the references to Song of Solomon I've heard in Bible School and church [counting fingers on one hand]. The pastor or professor always goes on and on and on about how the book is an allegory of the relationship between Christ and His church and how someday the Bride of Christ will be united with Jesus and we will be one in heaven, yada, yada, yahda, blah, blah, blah. About this time I want to stand up on my padded pew (or chair if you're in a seeker friendly church) and scream "BULLSHIT! It's about a married couple having SEX - loving, hot, lusty, passionate, holy, godly SEX!"


[the sound of millions of Christians clicking out of this post in a panic of shame and terror]

Hello? What's wrong with promoting great sex as God designed it and desires it?!

A few choice morsels from God's Word:

  • A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Proverbs 5:19
  • Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. Song of Solomon 4:5
  • You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Song of Solomon 4:12
  • Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. Song of Solomon 4:16
  • I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment. Song of Solomon 8:10
  • [ Lover ] I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. [ Friends ] Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. Song of Solomon 5:1
  • [ Beloved ] My lover has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. Song of Solomon 6:2
  • The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. I Corinthians 7:3

Hmmmmmm...maybe I should go home for lunch today.

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Image: Gustav Kimpt's The Kiss


At 3:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

amen brother

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Big Ear Creations said...

Very nice! A few weeks ago, I preached a sermon called "Manifestations are like Orgasms"

Good Times
As Kirk Franklin once said, "Do you want a Revolution.. Woop Woop"

At 7:55 PM, Blogger Voice in the Wilderness said...

Wow! Can I go to your church? :)

How about next week: "Refusing to Tithe is Like Financial Masturbation"

Thanks for posting!

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Big Ear Creations said...

Ha ha... very nice... actually the masturbation analogy I used was that there are those that take themselves on their own spiritual manifestation ride... where really the best orgasms are just when you just let go of your own thoughts and control of your own life. Then (in both sides of the analogy) God gets to be God and we just reflect him.

And yeah, our church is awesome BTW

At 5:29 PM, Blogger Vitamin Z said...

Thanks for you honesty here. I love it! Press on in your boldness and candor.

At 6:52 AM, Blogger Voice in the Wilderness said...

You can bet I will, VZ. I can't help it. It's like a "fire shut up in my bones"!

At 6:02 AM, Blogger Michael K. "Rose" McCleary said...

Have you read "theology of the body", by John Paul II?

God bless,

At 5:19 AM, Blogger Andrew Evans said...

Clearly your lecturers are well behind the times; almost no serious Bible scholar has taught an allegorical view of the Song in the last 100 years!


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