The Suburban Evangelical Mega-Church Hymn

An Evangelical Church Blues Original
by V.I. Wilderness
The the tune of "A Mighty Fortress is Our God"

Verse 1
A whitey fortress is our church,
catering to yuppies;
We're found out in the suburbs,
with space to park your SUV;
It's landscaped oh so well!
God's blessed us you can tell!
The building is world-class,
but please stay off the grass!
The turf - it cost a fortune.

Verse 2
When you come in the front door,
the sight will take your breath away;
We've got a great big coffee bar,
where you can get a latte!
Just ask for extra foam,
and then begin to roam,
for elsewhere on the floor
you'll find the church book store -
where you can spend more money!

Verse 3
We've got our service on CD
So you can listen in your Escalade!
We even have the DVD
on THX it can be played!
There's Christian rock CDs
and Jesus novelties!
The latest worldly fads
like bracelets and mousepads,
stamped with a fish or Jesus name!

Verse 4
Then enter our big sanctuary,
complete with stadium seating!
My goodness, aren't you quite impressed
with the world we're competing!
Our sound's state-of-the-art,
and it sets us apart!
Most churches can't compete!
We've got the others beat!
With us we're sure God's happy!

Verse 5
With thousands thronging to our church,
we think we're doing something right!
We're sure you will be happy here,
if you're middle-class and predominately white.
Just don't forget your tithe,
so our vision stays alive!
Our elders all agree,
it's time to build phase three!
For bigger's always better!