Sunday, March 26, 2006

How to Name Your Suburban Mega-Church in 3 Easy Steps!


MEGA CHURCH
Originally uploaded by opheliates.

It's a dilemma. You're building the latest-greatest church in the burbs. It's got to have a cool name. Never fear, e.c. blues is here to help! First, you select a hip, eco-friendly word from list one:

LIST ONE

  • Pheasant
  • Aspen
  • Prairie
  • Timber
  • Eagle
  • Mountain

Next, you select a descriptive landscape word from list two:

LIST TWO

  • Run
  • Ridge
  • Valley
  • Vista
  • Heights

OPTIONAL!: It's kind of hip to use just words from the first two lists, but you could go ahead and add to it. After all, more is better and you definitely want to differentiate yourself from that mega-church down the street. They're "so-yesterday," aren't they? Of course, because you don't want denominational baggage keeping people from flocking to your church, toss your denominational name and add one of the following church descriptors from list three:

LIST THREE

  • Fellowship
  • Community
  • Group
  • Gathering
  • Conclave
  • Campus (you really need more than one building for this one - though that large storage shed for your vehicle fleet will do. I personally like this one. It does have that intellectual sound doesn't it?)
  • Assembly (watch out with this one - you could get pegged as a Pentecostal - you might try "Assemblage")

I hope that helps. My pick for today is: Aspen Heights Fellowship.

Pretty cool, huh? If you use my handy service to name your suburban mega-church, please contact me about my royalty fee. Don't worry - it's not much. Maybe just a cut from the tip jar on your lobby's coffee bar (the e.c. blues is a non-profit ministry, so you can still say it's going to charity without lying).

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Flickr photo courtesy of opheliates.


7 Comments:

At 10:48 AM, Blogger Andrew said...

How about some help in picking an emerging church name? I think it helps to have some Latin and/or Greek words to choose from.

AC @ bloggedy blog

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger unmuzzled said...

FUNNY

 
At 10:54 PM, Anonymous John Dekker said...

Just to let you know, the Timber Ridge Conclave will be starting services next week... ;)

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger Voice in the Wilderness said...

Great name, John. Will I know it by the giant prayer tower? Or will I be led by the smell of the coffee bar in the lobby?

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger Gordon said...

I wrote a church name generator.
You can see it here:
http://www.hudson.nu/church-name-generator.html

 
At 6:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our church wants to change their name just like you said but they are afraid to be identified with the area the church is going to be built. How do I convince them that they need to do something. Our denomination has three churches with the same name with in a mile on the same road. My suggestion before coming to your site was Timber Valley Community Church. They felt others would not want to come only Timber Valley people. That is the name of the sub division by the church. We are going to vote this Sunday Sept 21. Not sure what we are voting on. After reading your 3 easy steps, at least I don't feel like I'm way off base. Thanks

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger Shawn said...

Aspen Heights fellowship sounds like a mix between a rehab center and a government subsidized housing project. LOL.

 

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